" Are humans capable of developing a close, loving, sexual relationship with more than one partner at a time? What forms should these relationships take and should they be recognized as a form of marriage? "
This is one of the questions asked at Socrates_Cafe this week"
A simple answer might be "Yes, but...."
These kinds of relationships have a few problems:
"Loving" relationships are, if not taught by societies, at least culturally defined - let's take a simple definition of sexual or erotic love, as that's what I'm talking about.
Love: "A selfless passionate affection for another person combining devotion and affection with sexual desire"
In a loving relationship, this erotic love is mutual, deep, abiding, and all-encompassing between the partners.
If there are only two, this mutual affection is easy to understand and reciprocate, but if another person or two become involved, the relationship becomes much more complicated. Now each partner must feel the all-encompassing affection with each of the other partners.
This sometimes breaks down because of some sort of competition between the partners. Historically, here in America, this has been solved by strict supervision of the relationship by religious or social authority as in the case of the early Mormon Church or the Oneida Community, to cite two famous examples. Other cultures which encourage or support polygamy, such as Islam, have fairly specific and rigid rules of acceptable marital behavior. The question of a "Loving" relationship is seldom addressed; the focus seems to be on following all the rules, and in the case of Oneida, at least, loving relationships were discouraged.
About thirty or forty years ago one branch of the "Hippy" movement began to organize groups and communes where everyone was encouraged to do their own thing and rebel against accepted behavior norms. This post-pill, pre-AIDS era was a time of a lot of experimentation in multiple partner relationships.
I personally know both participants in, and children of, these relationships, most of which were fairly short-lived and broke apart partly because of sexual tension and jealousy and partly because they were economically unstable.
While the partners "fell out of love", their children often remember those times fondly and did not seem to have been harmed by their parents'multiple relationships.
There are communes which have remained - like the Twin Oaks Community, which is still a going concern after 39 years. This Commune's start and early development is well described in Kathleen Kinkade's book "A Walden Two Experiment" (Wm Morrow, 1973) and his been the subject of a Master's dissertation as late as 2000. They have an active website Twin Oaks Community.
There are currently several groups of polygamist advocates active in America today, some religiously oriented Christian Polygamy , and some non-religious and somewhat more open:Seattle Group. The Seattle group even publishes an on-line magazine called "Loving More".
In 2002, The Los Angeles Times reported that there were more than 30,000 polygamist unions among Mormon Spin-off groups in Southern Utah and Arizona. At least some of these seem to be religiously-ordered unions of fairly young girls and older men and there are several groups organized against this type of relationship. In most of the interviews and news reports about these situations, there is little or no talk of love and affection between the partners. Most girls in these relationships have a positive attitude about them however.
To sum up, it isn't hard to find reports, interviews, and discussions of multiple partner love relationships where the partners firmly express their belief that they are in a loving relationship and are content despite the considerable social and legal pressure they face. These people think it's possible to have a loving polygamous relationship, do you?
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